Nothing irritates me more than the phrase, “At your age…” In fact, it is the cause of some of my petty quarrels with my daughter. It always makes me snap back, “At my age, what?”
I won’t deny that I am old. Early this month, I turned 71 – way past the threshold age of 65 when one becomes an “elderly.” My age is etched on my face and hands, on the slowness of my gait, and pains in my knees.
But to be often told, “At your age…,” is irritating and aggravating. As if my age suddenly puts a cap on things I can do or cannot do. It’s kind of being constantly reminded, like a child, to behave.
Because of internal biological changes that come with aging, health and money issues, together with some genetic predisposition, elderly people tend to exhibit sensitivity to a broad range of issues and substances. And to be patronized will not make things any better for them.
So if you are a carer or have elderly people in your home, exercise sensitivity in dealing with them. Words can be misinterpreted or the slightest nuance in your tone can do untold psychological damage.
How to Treat Elderly People
Elderly people have been through a lot in life. Inasmuch as they don’t want to feel “entitled,” they also don’t want to be patronized. So here are a few things you can do to make them feel better…
1. Treat them as human beings
Old age doesn’t make them less a human being than you or anyone younger. So treat them with the same respect you would a younger person.
They may have some physical handicaps or a little slow in processing thoughts and ideas but their sensitivity to the world around them has not diminished. Yes, they may be a little more patient than before, but they can feel if they are treated any less than they deserve.
2. Talk to an elderly like you talk to a close friend
Baby-talking to the elderly is condescending. And raising your voice, unless he has hearing problems, can make him sulk and mope or, worse, respond in kind. Either way, you both lose.
So talk to an elderly like you would a close friend – warm, jovial, and amiable. This manner of talking can raise his self-worth and may improve his mental health.
3. Don’t give a bit of advice unless he/she asks for it
My face always feels smitten each time my daughter advises me on things I have been doing long before she was born, i.e., when to sleep, what to eat, what clothes to wear, how to drive, etc. I think it’s plain ridiculous.
Elderly people have gone through a lot. No matter how highly you think of yourself, you haven’t seen, or done, or experienced the things the elderly in your care or home have.
So keep your opinions to yourself unless asked. Or if it is obviously for their benefit.
But say it nicely.
4. Listen to what an elderly is saying
It is always impolite to interrupt a person who is talking. It is plain disrespectful to the elderly.
Wait for your turn – even during brief lulls in a conversation. His moments of silence may be due to memory problems or difficulties in his thought processes.
Remember that listening goes both ways. It is only through listening that you can give an appropriate answer.
5. Speak clearly and distinctly
Enunciate clearly every word you say to avoid ambiguity or misunderstanding. Though they may not admit it, hearing loss is a natural consequence of aging.
Speak in a clear and friendly voice. If a hearing-problem is an issue, speak close to an elderly’s ear instead of shouting to avoid being taken as antagonistic.
6. Be compassionate
Seniors, like me, don’t want to admit the struggles they face each day of their lives
They struggle with health issues, loneliness, nutrition problems, and aches and pains.
Some go on for days without somebody to talk to or remain indoors without feeling the life-giving warmth of the sun, while others have money issues. They inwardly grieve over their handicaps or the inevitability of death.
But for them, to bitch about the inconvenience or handicaps impose on them by age is counter-productive. They don’t diminish their struggles but burden them some more.
They just put a good face, merrily going about their chores despite the turmoil going on inside.
While they may not expect special treatment but would appreciate a bit of compassion, or understanding, or empathy.
7. Put yourself in their shoes
Someone, younger than me, asked what it feels to be old. I told him, “get old first so you will know.”
Only the elderly knows how it is to be elderly. But in your moments of introspection or enlightenment, put yourself in their shoes, imagine that you are one. And you must. Because someday, you will be an elderly, too.
It would be tragic to ruin your old age by feelings of remorse for the treatment you gave them when you were young and could have made a big difference in their lives.
So even for a few seconds in a given day, imagine that you are them and they are you. That should give you a lot of insights into how it is to be old.
In this millennial-driven world, elderly people are often sidelined. Younger people take them as too slow, too cranky, or too sickly. Their time is passé and their thoughts and ideas are irrelevant in this hi-tech world.
Longer life spans and small birthrates have made the proportion of elderly people around the world go up. In fact, it is estimated that by the year 2050, 22% of the world’s population will be people age 60 and above.
Today 46 million Americans are aged 65 and above. This number is expected to increase to 98 million by 2060.
By then you will be one of them. Would you want to be treated then like how you are treating your elderly now?
Take it from Judi Dench who said, “Anything we can do to improve the lives of the elderly is welcome so far as I am concerned.”
Don’t you think you should do your share as well?
~oOo~
